Monday, May 9, 2011

Advice needed

As the title says, I need some advice.  It's about money so it's a touchy subject to most people.  Ashley has been sick as a dog with morning sickness.  She works a pretty hands on production job, she's a supervisor so she has some leeway with how "physical" she has to get. She is our primary (well, now only) financial supporter. We live comfortably but we are also very budget conscience. With Ash being so sick she's missed quite a bit of work. There was one week she only made it to work for a day. Her job has required her to use up her personal, sick, and vacation time for the absences. She is now covered under FMLA which means she can miss work without getting in trouble but she is now out of paid time off.    My question is how do we approach the IF's about this situation? We had our contract reviewed by our agency and this kind of time missed from work isn't specifically called out in any way.  We were told we have the option of having our lawyer call their lawyer and see if a new contract can be drawn up to specifically cover this kind of time off but the expense of new contracts, and the 2 lawyers would be our IF's responsibility and we don't feel right adding to the already crazy expenses they are enduring. Do we just suck it up and take the hit in our budget? Are we out of line in thinking it should be covered/reimbursed time off?  Aaaaaahhhggggggg I just don't know what to do.

6 comments:

Mark said...

Please stick to your feelings of not adding extra finacial cost to the IFs(I'm new to this world, does that mean Fathers?). In any agreement, I would try to stick to the original plan. As it is, you have the upper hand. All in all, it does show that you are a good person admitting that this would be stressful for them.
Good Luck!
Your Friend, m.

paradykes said...

Yes Mark, we have the most amazing set of Intended Fathers! We love them very much and can't wait to watch them become fathers.

TooeleTwins said...

I think that sticking to the original agreement is a great idea, but I think that the IFs deserve to know. It's their choice if they feel that they can help.

I don't mean that it is a specific conversation to be had, but maybe just something said in passing. If they don't pick up on it, fine. If they do but don't choose to do anything with it, fine. If they do and contribute some money for utilities or groceries, fine.

It's not a thing that should be said to make them feel guilty, but if you don't tell them and they find out later, they're going to feel guilty anyway.

As the parents, they deserve to know what is happening with their child, and by extension, you.

And, if they give you something, maybe you don't even use it for yourselves. Maybe you put it into a savings account for your daughter, because she is being impacted by this experience, too.

Just some thoughts.

Ron said...

I'm out of my league here "Betty" so I can't offer any advice other than to hope that your situation improves.

Babydreams2011 said...

Well as an IM, I am on the side of it is the IF's responsibility.. As the surrogate, the expenses should NOT fall on you, missed work is to be reimbursed. I would think you could talk to them about it and explain what is going on and they will probably be more than happy to cover the lost wages.. Like you said getting an amendment to the contract (you won't need a new one, just amendment) and involving the lawyers will cost more than reimbursing you, ykwim? Good luck though, our contract states we reimburse surro's missed work portion that STD or LTD doesn't cover if that helps!

Kelly & Her Uterus said...

I know that with my agency's contract if your DR says you can't work (for whatever reason) the IPs are responsible for what was previously agreed upon in the contract . . . should be spelled out with an amount per day, etc. I know for me, I too had to use my sick days, etc too . . .

It is hard to talk money, I hated that part.