Thank you all so much for the kind words, I appreciate every comment. Ash and I have actually been doing much better. We are working through our issues and our relationship has been better in the past couple weeks than it was in the past 2 years. In all of our busy everyday lives we forgot to love each other. Don't take that the wrong way, I love Ashley more than I thought possible (even now) but I, no, we forgot to show it. We said it all the time, but I think it was hollow and space filler, you know when she would leave for work and it was just a common thing, love you babe, I meant it but there was nothing behind it. Neither of us showed the other that we as a couple are very important. We became friends instead of lovers. Our sex life had been put on the back burner, it was one of those things that became OK, lets do this we had it down to a science and the quicker we could finish the better. I'm not saying that any of this made what happened OK because it's not in any way shape or form. I wish she could have told me that things were going South for her instead of seeking attention outside our relationship. She needed to feel wanted and I wasn't doing that for her. For that I take responsibility. I needed to feel something else, I'm not even sure what, maybe needed for something other than cleaning the house and taking care of our family. I feel it now though, I know I'm wanted, loved, cherished. I pray that one day the doubt and trust issues will be non-existent like they were before. We've been going to church as a family and it feels good. I'm trying to be kind and not too harsh to Ash when the doubts enter my mind which instead of daily is now weekly maybe and I haven't had a complete melt down for weeks. So things are on the right track.
Now some of you may say Girl, you're crazy! But we've actually decided that next month we will be getting married. I think we need to re-commit to each other and in a way that is,... I don't know the word, not permanent because nothing is permanent but in a way that is meaningful and serious for both of us. I have some friends in Washington that when I said I wasn't sure if we could pull it off in time said oh no girl, you are having a wedding and pulled things together like you would not believe! So on Wednesday June 13th on the beach at Cape Disappointment I will be saying my I do's with no hesitation in my heart, to my best friend, the love of my life!
Ok so hurry and get over your shock I'll need some positive input on wedding plans in a day!!!